Have you ever tried to change just becoz someone who loved and cared is living in agony(is this the word?) while seeing you undergo saddness and depression? yes, i understand how you feel. we just cant help it but to continue what we are doing right? Seeing you like this, makes me hate myself. But i cant help it you see, but to think negatively and continue to rebel against my mummy and my own personal rights (zi zhun or whatever it is).
When i finally thought i've made the right decision in my life, to give up on my one and only love one, i made the greatest wrong move in my entire life. This move i made made me lose everything i thought i had, and everything i thought i will have. well, what's done is done. no regrets Elaine (;
anyways,
im sorry sweetheart, i just cant help it but to feel so depressed. im so depressed that i kept laughing non stop when im with you, and thinktoomuch when im in school. GRR what's wrong with me ):
many thoughts went through my mind these few days, and srsly speaking, i dont feel anything. not sad, not happy, more of, neutral. and i hate neutral feelings, coz i dont know what i want to feel. Fuck life.
Going to have steamboat at my grandma's house today. did econs homework, but dont know how to do everything. but at least i attempted! anyways, gna study for biology test later ;D Elaine jiayou eh!
Sometimes, i wonder, am i happier now, or happier before. hmm, i cant seem to figure it out. It seemed that now im more free, but at the same time, that one person who will always be there for me, isnt there anymore. Now, im free to do anything. Do anything without anyone stopping me to. but the thing is, i feel empty inside, longing for that feeling that filled my heart everyday to come.. I dont know what to do, but im damn confused now. I dont know what i really want to have now in my life, but to just sit and stare into blank space thinking what i am going to do to fill my empty heart.
oh well. life's like this. you have to consider the opportunity cost. but the thing is, every decision i make, i lose both the opportunities. if you get what i mean.
lack of pictures, so ya.
Today is a longlonglonglonglonglonglonglong....(ya you get what i mean).. day. woke up at9.40am to prepare for maths tuition. Rushed like mad and end up he said he just woke up. -.- cute ah the tuition tcher. next, econs tcher came. almost fell asleep. ): after that feel like sleeping but cant get to sleep ):
AHHHH i dont know what to blog about !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okok here's one.
valentine's day is coming. and yea, it will be the same old any other day to a normal human being. oh well. what to do. (: cheerup laine ! >:]
STUDDDDDDYSTUDDDDDYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As you can see, i studied out ! heh :3 so proud of myself :D
Anyways, yeap, i understand photosynthesis alrdy ! and i totally gave up on my vectors ): i know it is easy, but im just not fated to complete the vectors homework by myself ): dammit.
Did maths and econs today. Uber proud of myself :D JIAYOU ELAINEEEEE !
Im so happy for myself that i finally got the motivation to study hard, and work hard. But i dont think i can bring myself to pay attention in lectures and lesson times coz i can barely catch up with the pace everyone is going. So oh well, depend on myself liaos.
tmrw chem test. haven study yet ): gosh. nthin goes into my brain lur. fail ler fail ler.
Tmrw going to start studying out alrdy ! @ whitesands Mac. i shall use that time to revise my chemistry, and i shall redo my test paper after it is marked.
kay , i shall try to sleep now. goodnight world (:
hahahhahaha, when is the chem test ah, tmrw or what? i haven study leh. later shall go and chiong ah.
maths tuition was fine, i lack many basic foundation D: i need to do tuition homework (tutorials) too ! GAAHHH. but i kinda enjoyed it. come on, it's maths ! my best subject in secondary school :D but worst in jc -.- lols.
